Displaying items by tag: sexual wellness

by Beth Diemert, Director of Affiliate Services

Children between the ages of two and five experience brain development, marking the beginning of often their favorite question: “Why?” Seeking understanding, children ask 'why' to understand what they are seeing or experiencing.

As adults, many of us still question things and wonder why, often about things that we innately know, but don’t really understand. We want to understand the way things work. We want to know the why behind them. It is just human nature!

Understanding why requires inquisitiveness, logic, persistence, patience, courage, and tact; often going against the grain to discover truths—even against the current of popular opinion.

Appreciating the Science Behind Sexual Wellness

In the pregnancy help movement, we have learned over the years (with immense admiration) the pioneering efforts in the field of prevention from dedicated abstinence educators. (We truly stand on the shoulders of giants in this field!)

Recently, we’ve come to realize that we can still bring significance to what has already been done: the scientific evidence of what was being taught about sexual integrity is supported by science, aligned with the scientific fact of the positive benefits and rewards of living a healthy lifestyle.

The study of science has enriched our lives for hundreds of years.  Today, new cutting-edge science can be utilized to bolster the education and empowerment of women to new heights. Our current release of the new Women’s Sexual Wellness handbook, written with Dr. Joe Malone, PhD, SRAS, CPT, LWMC, CFE, brings the why!

The handbook is designed to equip pregnancy help teams with the cutting-edge science on sexuality and human development, so they can both understand and present women’s sexuality in a scientifically rooted way and equip young women to better understand and self-manage their sexual behavior.

Science shows that women are magnificently built through brain biochemistry and brain architecture to be the exquisite gatekeepers of sexuality.

From Dr. Malone’s extensive work with college women, he found that young women thrive in an atmosphere of positive motivation and a supportive community. However, like Eve in the Garden, when told not to do something, humans tend to react. We struggle with rebellion and the desire to know why. The good news is that women can now be shown! We can now tell them why—scientifically—and help them to trust their instinctual sexual natures that are genetically encoded for exclusive sexual relationships inside the commitment of marriage.

The "Why" Behind Sexual Wellness

Knowledge is power, and women can be truly empowered with the scientific knowledge of biologically-based research. This knowledge shows that the whole person (male and female) benefits from living a traditional relationship lifestyle. Rather than a negative restriction, it provides a positive opportunity for human flourishing! It enlightens, empowers, and validates what women already know.

Women can learn to enjoy and have confidence in the good outcomes that exercising this gift of self-mastery will have in their lives. It aligns with their design and helps them to successfully accomplish what they are looking for, and avoid working against their own nature!

Heartbeat International is pleased to release the Women’s Sexual Wellness handbook. We believe it is the next crucial step toward Heartbeat’s life-saving vision—a world where every new life is welcomed and children are nurtured within strong families, according to God’s Plan—while helping to accomplish our life-saving mission—to Reach and Rescue as many lives as possible through an effective global network of life-affirming pregnancy help that Renews communities for LIFE.

We are grateful for the research on brain science that leads to and supports women’s sexual wellness as a new pathway that advances our vision and mission!

Over the two years that we have been working to launch the new Women’s Sexual Wellness resource, Dr. Joe has been serving the Heartbeat network by speaking in various venues providing training, inspiration, and empowerment. And it’s created quite a buzz! Here’s what pregnancy help leaders are saying:

-"Dr. Joe is a world-class presenter with a unique knowledge base that most people wouldn’t even think to study. Whether he’s discussing attraction and how quickly it is established or the effects of oral contraception on sexual desire, the listener will be fascinated to hear about how the science involved impacts our relationships. He is versatile with his presentation, able to keep the interest of single teens and longtime married couples alike. Dr. Joe is an invaluable speaker for anyone who wants to know more about having a healthy life and successful relationships..."

-"It was so informative. It will greatly impact our conversations with clients. Our staff continues to talk about the amazing facts from your presentation and your book!"

-“I attended a gathering of pregnancy resource centers where Dr. Joe was presenting. What impressed me the most was his calm, articulate presentation style all while expounding on complex brain and hormone functions. His knowledge is not only vast but absolutely imperative for those engaged in women’s (and men’s) physical and mental health realms. The joy and ease with which he addresses this information helped me better understand our clients, and myself because he offers the ‘how’ and ‘why’ behind how our brains, bodies, and hormones interact. I’m in my 50s and been discussing sexual integrity for years — I only wish I had had this information sooner! Dr. Joe is a must-read for, literally, everyone!”

-"We are excited to bring what you taught us into the consulting room. God has great things in store for the women (and men) who will be changed by your research!"

-"Dr. Malone has extensive knowledge of the science behind sexual integrity…our center benefitted from having him share with our staff, volunteers, and young professionals…and what he brings has been helpful in the consulting room.  I hope others in the pregnancy help space will read this book and glean from what Dr. Malone has to offer."

-"We are excited to witness the fruit your presentation will bear in our community!"

-"Dr. Malone worked with our staff to better understand the hearts of the women and men we care for. He cared deeply about what God was doing in our ministry, the experiences of our clients on college campuses, and about what our staff were experiencing. He asked us good questions and prayed for us. Dr. Malone then gave us solid science that completely supports the inerrancy of Scripture. We learned what our clients were experiencing physically as they experienced the consequences of hook-up culture including broken relationships, assault, depression, trauma, etc. His presentations were exactly what we needed to bring clarity to some of the mysteries of working with clients and unplanned pregnancies. For example: Why does my client keep going back to such destructive relationships? Dr. Malone understands the God-given nature of sexual wellness and explained how God made our bodies, mind, and soul for purity and serves as an amazing resource for our ministry."

Stay tuned to Heartbeat resources to hear more on Sexual Wellness and from Dr. Joe in publications, webinars, podcasts, and conferences. For information on booking Dr. Joe, contact:

Colin Hearn
Program Director
Enlighten Communications
303-888-6876
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

by Lora Current

Several weeks ago, I was working remotely in a coffee shop when a woman tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up from my computer as she leaned close to me and said, “I just wanted to tell you that you look so feminine.”

This took me off guard. She didn’t say, “You look pretty” or “I like your dress”.

I spent a great deal of time thinking about that comment, trying to understand the peculiarity of her using the term “feminine” rather than a more usual compliment.

The definition of “feminine” is just “having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with women or girls.” However, when she said, “You look so feminine,” I heard much more than a usual compliment. I heard, “You look beautiful,” “You are strong,” and “You are gentle,” all at once.

Femininity is a complex mixture of beautiful qualities and characteristics that showcase what only a woman can. Femininity is attentive yet gentle, direct yet humble, confident yet aware, and independently dependent.

Unfortunately, the term “feminine” has been wrongfully smeared in the eyes of many women. It has become a dismissive term or rather a dismissive quality, that women now try to avoid as they strive to live bold and empowered lives.

Femininity has been shaped into an insult to say, “You are weak,” “You are needy or incapable,” “You are less than a man,” or simply “less than.”

There has even been a cultural revolt against the style or look of femininity with oversized fashion, unisex clothes, and a veer toward a more masculine physique.

Present culture tries to minimize any difference between male and female actions, looks, roles, and distinctions and says, “We are the same; therefore, we are equal.”

As a result, femininity has been an innocent casualty in a battle to discover what we perceive to be the true worth of ourselves and our gender.

"So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them." - Genesis 1:27

However, even many who consider themselves feminists have rejected the false idea of dismissing femininity, saying we need to empower femininity itself rather than deconstruct the reality of true masculine men and feminine women.

To understand femininity, or rather to understand the beauty and significance of true femininity, we must first understand the beauty and significance of the distinct differences between men and women.

My argument is we are not the same; therefore, we are the other’s perfect complement. 

"The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" - Genesis 2:18

Women and the unique distinctions and qualities of a woman not only aid society, men, and families but also serve as an incredible complement to men in society and family. In the same way, when men take on the responsibility of being masculine men, they are not the equivalent but rather the perfect complement to women in society and family.

The unique role of each gender is intentionally designed for a specific purpose, which we each benefit from daily.

As a woman, intrinsically feminine, I rely on the men around me for leadership, protection, strength, and structure. In return, I offer insight, safety, encouragement, and patience. These roles are easier to see and appreciate inside the context of marriage and family, and within a mother’s role versus a father’s role.

However, there are many benefits of these differences outside of marriage and children. The dynamic of roles that I laid out applies to my relationship with my father and brothers, with my male boss, with the men in my church, and with other men who have specific relationships in my life. The exchange is a transaction in the sense that each party gives and receives; however, it is not a forced effort where we strain to be able to provide our side of the equation.

The beautiful thing about women is that we naturally lean toward femininity and exhibit feminine behaviors such as gentleness, sensitivity, empathy, charm, and collaboration. Because women were created and designed to be nurturers, those traits come naturally.

We should not feel pressured to suppress the want or desire to be feminine, to succeed like society says we do. In fact, when we embrace who we truly are, and our natural inclinations, we can fully utilize and benefit from the traits and qualities we have. The quality of femininity is to be valued and aspired to as we see the positive effects it has on our relationships, life circumstances, and personal growth.

Though, that is not to belittle uniqueness or individualism. For example, I am a woman who does exhibit some more masculine traits such as directness, goal orientation, and assertiveness. Those are qualities that I value about myself and that have allowed me to achieve the goals I have set for my life. Most of us express some degree of both masculine and feminine traits.

As women, we are capable of a great deal, including many tasks, jobs, or roles deemed “masculine.” And although there are times and seasons when we must step into those areas, we will always revert to our natural design and characteristics of femininity.

My warning is that when we embrace masculinity to the point of losing our feminine, definite qualities, we create a turmoil inside ourselves that is seen all too often. We will never have peace while fighting against who we are.

Women can and should be leaders. Women can and should be able to live independently. Women can and should be courageous. However, in terms of living fully within who we were created to be, women should strive to be, act, and look feminine. This does not mean “weak and incapable,” but rather empowered with the peace and fulfillment of being a woman. Understanding and appreciating all the responsibilities and benefits that come along with that.

When the woman came up to me in the coffee shop, I looked up from my computer as she leaned close to me and said, “I just wanted to tell you that you look so feminine.”

I smiled and said, “Thank you, I try.”

by Lori Kuykendall, President of Beacon Health Education Resources

Planned Parenthood boasts itself to be the largest provider of sex education. Given their business model of providing abortions (and now the second largest provider of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones), it makes sense that they would want greater access to students through sex “education” in schools and community groups. Those students are potential clients. If they follow their “comprehensive sex education” guidance to use condoms and/or birth control, they will eventually need their contraception services, STI testing and treatment, and tragically too often, abortion.

I was hired by Women’s Pregnancy Center in 1995 as the Teen Outreach Director. The new position was created by the Board and directors who said, “We want to reach the girls before they need us.” God had given them a clear calling to go out to local schools, churches, and community groups with a prevention program. I was a new college graduate with a degree in health education and a calling to full-time missions. God answered all our prayers, and we got to work!

Developing Our Calling

Too many clients were sharing comments like “No one ever told me that…” or “We thought we wouldn’t get pregnant if we…” or “We had sex by accident.” Too many didn’t know God’s good plan for sexual integrity nor the dangers of sex outside that plan. In response, we developed a medically accurate, age-appropriate program for public schools and a faith-based version for churches and private schools.

Many centers, like Women’s Pregnancy Center, have felt a calling and the capacity to offer prevention programs to help address the abortion issue further “upstream.”  Many are now active in area schools, churches, and community groups sharing a clear message of abstinence-until-marriage, or what is called Sexual Risk Avoidance (SRA) or Optimal Health Education. Some centers develop their research-based programs and others use national curriculum.

About the Curriculum

Prevention/SRA programs share life-giving truths about the risks of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and the emotional risks of nonmarital sexual activity. They present the miracle of life and fetal development. They encourage positive character development, healthy relationships, and respect for the inherent value of every person. Effective programs deliver clear messages using trained, relevant presenters and help to establish a community of support for making the healthiest decisions for physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health.

The Tremendous Impact of Prevention/SRA Programs

Heartbeat’s vision is “to make abortion unwanted today and unthinkable for future generations.” When we help prevent crisis pregnancies among young people through clear guidance away from nonmarital sex, we are reducing abortion among that population. When we teach a classroom of teens about fertilization and the earliest days of development, we are making abortion less wanted and life more evident. My favorite benefit is the long-term one: when we are helping young people save sex for marriage, we are strengthening those marriages and their future families and having a strong, healthy impact on future generations.

There is great power in prevention for pregnancy help centers. If your center is already active in this space, stay trained and advocate well for SRA programs in your community. If your center is considering prevention outreach, keep an eye out on our Live Virtual Classes page in the Heartbeat Academy. Watch for an announcement of the next possible online course; "Prevention and Community Outreach for Pregnancy Help Centers” is in session now and may be offered again at a future date. And if your center is not feeling the call or capacity to do so, look for other organizations in your area who are and explore ways to partner.

by Dr. Joe Malone, PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT

Women often express to me that they like it when a man displays chivalry toward them. They like to be treated like a lady. (This is why Jane Austen’s books and Hallmark movies are so popular with women!) Women have an innate longing for traditional courtship, traditional marriage, and traditional family. In other words, they want the kind of life that, in many cases, their great-grandparents and grandparents had. A life of fulfillment in a committed relationship for a lifetime. They want to get back to romance. That’s why I believe there is a “romance revolt” taking shape across Western societies.

What is the foundation of this? Well, I believe it starts with the beginning of human history. From the very start, God made human females to be a "one man woman."

“Your desire will be for your husband...” Genesis 3:16 CSB

Currently, we seem to be in a season where there is a relational revolt happening all over the Western world. I call it a “Romance Revolt.” Women are beginning to demand the return of romance and respect between the sexes.

A Lesson From History

It is common for many people living in the 21st century, who are largely unaware of history – especially the history of sexuality – to think that the natural course of things is for cultural conditions to become more and more sexualized as time goes on. However, it should give us great hope to know that in fact, history is not linear but cyclical in its nature; we have gone from periods of sexual integrity to sexual anarchy and back several times in the last several centuries.

The pendulum swinging back and forth has been the actual course of history.

“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV

For over a thousand years, from the beginning of the Middle Ages to the 1600s, there was more and more sexual integrity practiced by society. That started to change from about 1660 to approximately 1800, with more and more sexual anarchy being practiced during the period of what is ironically called “The Enlightenment.” From approximately 1800 until 1920, there was a return to predominant sexual integrity in what is called the “Victorian era.” From 1920 into the 21st century, we have experienced more and more sexual anarchy. But I believe that the pendulum is beginning to swing back to sexual integrity.

We must recognize that history goes in cycles and is not a linear straight line going from more sexual integrity in the past to less sexual integrity and more sexual anarchy as time has gone on. There’ve been times of sexualization in society and then times of greater sexual integrity in response to the harm that the culture has experienced because of sexual anarchy. I believe, and the studies show, that we are at the beginning of one of those times.

Studies Show…

This seems to have started to take shape as early as 2015 when the dating app, OkCupid, shared its new survey research data.

In 2005, OkCupid had begun asking questions like “Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?” In contrast to 2005, in 2015 every single demographic group was more likely to say “no.” Heterosexual women were the statistical leaders with 25% being less likely to say “yes.” When they were asked, “Would you date someone just for sex?” again, every single demographic group said “no” more than in 2005. There was an overall drop of 10% in 10 years. (Kelly Cooper, 2021)

More evidence that agrees with this trend is a large U.S. national research study of over 3,000 young adults and high school students that was released in 2017 by Harvard University. It found that a large majority of young adults are overestimating how many other young people are hooking up. This study also showed that 85% of young adults would prefer other options over hooking up, such as hanging out with friends or having sex only within a committed relationship. (Weissbourd et al., 2017)

Back To Romance!

What do women really want? Their God-given, innate nature compels them to want to get back to romance! From both my personal experience and extensive research I have found that a large majority of women want to return to a world where there is commonly a relationship of love and respect between men and women. This entails returning to a culture where sex is reserved for its proper place: within a meaningful marriage full of true love and romance!

I will leave you with this to support that perspective. I conducted 21 qualitative interviews with single, post-college women. There were 12 questions asked altogether. The following is an excerpt of an answer to a question about hookup culture versus romance and attitude toward chivalry:

“I want to be treated like a lady. I want to be spoiled. All the doors opened, chairs pulled out, escort me down the sidewalk. The whole nine. My grandfather wrote my grandmother’s name in the sand while he was in the army, took a picture with her name and sent it back to the United States with his letter.”

For more perspective on this, I invite you to join me for a recently recorded conversation with Lora Current. Watch it here!

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Sources

1. Kelly Cooper. (2021, August 10). A Digital Decade: Sex. Theblog.OkCupid.com; OkCupid. https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

2. Weissbourd, R., Anderson, T., Cashin, A., & Mcintyre, J. (2017). The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment. In Making Caring Common (p. 6). https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/s/mcc_the_talk_final.pdf